Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights….James 1:17

Sometimes a life can be so fast and so busy that the end of a season comes quietly and it isn’t until you open the door to go outside and turn back to get your sweater that you realize how quickly the season is changing.

Sometimes eight years can go by with you loving and growing so much every day of those years that you don’t feel how fast they’re going until the day you look up and see how the season has turned and is quickly coming to an end.

But wait.

I’m not ready.

I’m not ready.

When fair and all that comes with it wraps up and the harvest is in and the freezer is full and the smell of snow tickles our noses, the pace picks up even though what we really need is a slow down, and in the hustle and bustle all I hear in my heart is the mantra  I’m just not ready.

How do our kids grow so quickly that every day brings new things; things you didn’t know you were going to have to handle…things that you didn’t know were going to fill your heart with joy unimaginable and challenges unknowable.

How did I not know that this season would be so fast?

Am I really the mom they need me to be when most days I feel like I’m just not ready yet?

In the footprints poem, is He running alongside during these fast seasons…or are these the seasons He carries?

Our Annie Spruce is getting ready to leave this world and that’s all my heart has been saying these past days.

I’m not ready, Annie.

I’m just not ready.

How do you give a gift back?

How do you say goodbye to the sweet soul who help you raise your babies?

How do you put to rest the biggest season of your family’s life?

I’m not ready.

As her body declines, the kids keep growing, chores keep happening, the days keep cooling, the jobs keep waiting.

We’ve blocked out what we could, kept our phones out of reach as much as we could, we’ve worked, fought, loved, sighed, and napped as much as we needed these past two weeks and we’ve accomplished so much that has been waiting to be done.

She’s watched over us while we watch over her.

Daisy keeps close to her always these days.

She sniffs the air of her farm now as if each trip out may be her last.

She stays close, so close to her people, and we pet her every time she’s near.

As her body starts to shut down I watch her closely wondering if her last breath will be  here at home or will I need to take her in.

My husband and sons will dig her grave tonight.

How do I give this gift back when I’m just not ready?

How did our eight and a half years with her go so fast?

How does the life of a dog go by so quickly that one day you’re looking into the eyes of your old friend while your heart is breaking with the impending goodbye?

I’m not ready.

I’m just not ready.

~

-Good Old Dog-

With your old gray face

you sure know how

to brighten up this place.

Your pace is slowing

 time is wearing thin

you won’t be here for long

Old Dog I’ll miss your grin.

Before you go

there is one thing to say:

Old Dog I love you and

I’ll miss you the rest of my days.

It’s been a true honor

to walk across this land

with your faithful head

right at my hand.

-Savana Frame