Tag Archives: Christ

More With Me Than Without

I opened my eyes and do what I normally do, grab my iPhone. Kept close for an alarm, it serves as a way to get some things done before my feet hit the floor and my mind hits the day.

But then I remembered.

There is someone I need to talk to first.

Thank you for another day Jesus. I want to be a good steward of this day and all you’ve given. Thank you for a heart that beats and lungs that breathe and for your gift of salvation. Thank you for loving me even when I am unlovable.

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How easy is it to just plow ahead and forget? How many days of forgetting until we just forget altogether? Why does our to-do list claw at the fiber of our day, every day?

And isn’t a soul at peace after a talk with the Lord?

The big warm man next to me fills his side of the bed and as he reminds me in not-quite-wakefulness that today is my birthday and says more with me than without now, I remember.

I’d just turned twenty-one when we wed. Just a pup. A bawling, demanding pup and now, today, I turn forty-two so that means I’ve officially been married to this man half my life.

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I try not to bawl and demand so much now.

I still feel like a pup most days though.

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How does it go so fast?

How does time claw at the fiber of our days and make them go so fast that sometimes we forget?

I don’t want to forget. I don’t want the next twenty-one years to go as fast as these.

I want to embrace every moment now. Embrace my people. All my people. This life.

Half my life in this life and what’s the second half going to bring?

Thank you Jesus for the breath in my lungs and the blood in my body and the good man in my bed and the beautiful children in my heart and the family who holds us and the friends who love us and help me to be a good and then better steward of it all. Help me not bawl and demand like the pup I still drag around on the leash you cut for me so long ago.

Help me cherish each moment and help me not forget even for a second.

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The kids make me pancakes and sing. Two besties text precious blessings and my mama calls to celebrate all these years of being my mama. Facebook fills up just like my heart and then Chuck the house- quail screams his raptor scream and it mixes with all the house and in it I hear life is nutty and life is fast but birthdays are good and all the days are good so embrace every last ounce of them.

And all these sounds…all these people…all these critters…

…these are the things that help me not forget.

And I embrace the day.

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Hit rewind, click delete.  Stand face to face with the younger me… All of the mistakes… All of the heartbreak… Here’s what I’d do differently, I’d 

 Love like I’m not scared,  Give when it’s not fair,  Live life for another,  Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones,  Speak out for freedom,  Find faith in the battle,  Stand tall but above it all
Fix my eyes on You
~On You~

(Fix My Eyes, For King and Country)

 

I Will Not Be Shaken

So a mama can get worn and weary and sometimes when the state inspector leaves after a pleasant visit with only a few comments about a few little things that have to do with your crazy little farm…

…a gal could just shut down.

Every few years a mama gets tired.

But sixteen hours curled up and restful after a long and busy summer can bring a few things into perspective.063 (2)

And tired or not, I will not be shaken.

The weight that won’t come off enough or the days that will never run quite smoothly enough or the house that will never be quite clean enough or the calendar that won’t ever be quite easy enough or the peers that will never be quite understanding enough or the friends that will never be quite close enough or the marriage that will never be quite nurtured enough or the Bible that will never be quite read enough…

…it will make me tired as I strive but it won’t kill me and as long as I follow that path where I first put my foot down some twelve years ago…

I will not be shaken.

I may sometimes be misunderstood and I may sometimes be misdirected and I may sometimes be mistreated but God is God in Heaven and when He fell on His face in the garden and He said Okay, I’ll do it and then the next day when He stretched His arms wide, He grabbed me and He grabbed you and He said it will be hard but this is harder and this….this is enough…

He gave us the example sisters on how to do things all our livelong days, right there in red, and because He did…

I will not be shaken.

I will sin and I will beg forgiveness and I will try hard, and even harder tomorrow, and I will trust in Him and I will follow the instinct He gives and the guidance He provides and I will hold tightly to His hand and even when I slip and let go I know He’ll hold me and because He does…

I will not be shaken.

We will be insecure and we will be unsure and we will be doubtful at times but because He’s not…

We will not be shaken.

The big voices of the men up front boom it loud for us Sunday morning and my spirit sings it too even when my mouth can’t…

in the tiredness I’m learning…

…twelve years and I’m still always learning…

…still sometimes new…

…still sometimes unsure…

…still sometimes needing a reminder…a rest…

…but I know.

And I will not be shaken. DSC_0636 (2)

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~

My soul finds rest in You,  My fortress and my rock, 

My hope for life my hiding place,  My refuge and my God

In You I’ve found my home,  My shelter from the storm, 

And I’ll pour out my heart to You,  And lean upon Your throne

I will put my trust in You,  I will put my hope there, too, 

I will stand upon Your word,  And I will not be shaken

I will let my praises show,  Holding on to what I know, 

Because I know You’re always there,  And I will not be shaken

I will not be shaken

I will not be moved,  I’m leaning on the throne, 

Because You died for me,  And called me to Your own, 

And even when the strongest winds begin to blow

I will stand my ground,  I will not be moved,  I will not be shaken…

 I will not be shaken.

©2002 Nickeldimeus

Last Day of a Decade

My life is no longer than the width of my hand. An entire lifetime is just a moment to you; human existence is but a breath.  Psalm 39:5

On the last dIphone photos Summer 2013 501ay of her twenties it was all new.

New in the marriage that, at a decade old, was starting to change. New in the child that was not yet two. New in the friends that were coming into her life. New in not working the job she once loved to instead work each day in her warm old house. New in the baby that was still at her breast.

And it was especially new in the Book she was reading, that anthology of 66 that was teaching her so many things…so, so many of them…all brand new.

New ways of living. New ways of learning. New ways of growing. New ways of reacting. New ways of saying yes. New ways of saying no. New ways of trusting.

She was fresh up from the water.

New.

And when she turned thirty, her friends came and her husband smiled and her heart beamed. And she wondered.

The old could still cling on.

She wasn’t sure what the pull inside was exactly, it just felt…new.

So she kept following it. Even when the old pulled on.

Then two more babies later, and many more times in that Book, through that Book…late night prayers and late night tears and missing him when he had to go to work, sometimes far away, and loving him when he came home, and smiling when he too came up fresh out of the water, and learning how those children grow and how they act and how they love and what makes them giggle…and praying, praying all the years along and then one day soon before she knows it…

…it’s the last day of another decade.

And it’s not the old kind of new anymore.

It feels like a different kind of new.

A comfortable new. A familiar new. A warm new.

An old new.

It might not be a new new but in this life, isn’t every day new?

A sunrise, a good morning smile, jobs waiting, chores to be done, friends to be made, people to love. Another day, just one day, fresh, ours, air into the lungs, God into the heart.

New.

The old can still cling on, but not so much anymore.

The last day of her thirties she smiled the whole day through.

Through the leaky roof and the chores and the blue tarp and the mud and the rain that just went on and on.

When her boy, not near two now, but near on twelve, did the wet and cold and messy man work on the farm while his Daddy worked hard for their paycheck, her heart smiled and she thought of him as a toddler. Back then he liked to help Mama bake cookies, his strong mama who held him tight. He liked to help her do the fun work of homemaking. Now he likes to help his mama with the hard work, the ugly work of farm making. She doesn’t have to be so strong when he’s there. Almost a man he shows her.

And her heart smiles joy.

That girl, that baby just a decade ago, she tends too, but she tends tender and keeps the young ones inside, warm and dry and away from the parts of farm life that just might hurt a heart too young. She protects without even knowing that’s what she’s doing and because she does, they get a little more time to just be little. Almost a mama that girl could be.

And her heart smiles love.

Those other two, precious babies, so tall now but always her babies, coming in the first half of the decade, they hold her heart and make her smile. Growing so big. But still so fresh. So young. So new.

And her heart smiles peace.

And that old that clings on doesn’t cling so tight.

And the new she feels is an older new.

A wiser new.

A thankful new.

What can another decade bring? This marriage, still new but almost crossing the two-decade line; these children, growing so strong, learning so much, changing each minute;  these friends, holding her up, making her laugh and growing with her year by year, what more could come?

What new could come?

Could it be here in that Book? That Book, that 66 volume Book, old but so fresh.

Alive.

Active.

Ancient.

New.

She flips through its pages that last week and realizes how much more she wants to learn. There is so much more to know about Him, that One who wrote it for her, for all of them, and she looks forward to a whole new decade of learning…reading…studying…growing.

The old that clings on now is the old that smiles.

Her history.

The path that brought her round on to Him.

The road to Jesus that marched her straight through her thirties. That two-track that feels like the road she always wanted to take…the road she never wants to veer off of.

She feels the pull and it still feels…new.

New ways of living. New ways of learning. New ways of growing. New ways of reacting. New ways of saying yes. New ways of saying no. New ways of trusting.

How much more can another decade bring when the past ten years brought so much?

Those are the things she ponders up in her heart on that day….

… the last day of a decade.

Ancient words ever true…Changing me and changing you…We have come with open hearts…Oh, let the ancient words impartImage